How to Say NO...to YOURSELF!

I bet many of you suffer from the same weakness I do, which is continually starting and getting into TOO MANY PROJECTS. Here I am, retired due to 18 million health issues, and I'm way too busy, not slowing down, and focusing on some of the wrong things. Or maybe the more correct way to say it is: focusing on too many correct things if time were unlimited. It's not, of course, so it's too many wrong things.

Here, Lisa - are you listening? - are your priorities:

Health: Be as strong and active as you can be and eat as well as possible. Optimizing health is your job #1 because it enables everything else. This is also about sport - biking, hiking, walking, exploring. Bill and I want to spend more time having fun outdoors.

Gardening: This is a priority because I'm interested and we have nearly 175 plants. Because I love plants.

Creative work: Writing, mostly, but also some house craft projects.

Volunteering: As time permits. This area is outsized right now. I feel like I have four part-time volunteer gigs and that they are pushing the other stuff off the "done" list. Especially health and creative endeavors.

I'm nearly 60. Am I too old to learn new tricks? I hope not.

Ways to say NO to Myself:

Identify I have an issue that needs to be solved. Not just casually over a cocktail with a pal like complaining about too many streaming services. THIS is a problem like a boil oozing puss on my foot. I can't walk until this boil is treated. It's keeping me from living my best life.

Do some scenario planning. Visualize what life looks and feels like when I'm living in alignment with my priorities. Notice I'm not focusing on an end point because life IS the process. Reflect on if/then scenarios that help me get clear about where a new "no" is warranted. No, not right now, not in this way, not as much, or I can't but have a solution are all NOs.

Explore if there are win-win solutions that might free myself up. This is harder to do. I get stuck because I don't want to impose on others. And I value follow through. But I can't value diddly from inside an ash urn or when Bill turns my ashes into stones (see previous post).

Fall on my sword. Sometimes the best thing to say is "I screwed up. I thought I could do this but I can't and I'm breaking the promise I made to myself to focus on my health. Doing this well requires more time than I'm giving it."

Those are a few ideas I will reflect upon and put into action - fingers crossed - very soon. Do you suffer from YES, YES, YES, syndrome too? Let me know what works for you. 

What to Do If You Are Off Course

I thought I'd revisit a couple of posts I wrote in 2009 and 2012 about what to do and how to be when we're off track based on our goals and intentions. 

I need this message right now... I feel like I should be making better progress toward my goal to live pain free. I'm piddling about with the PT exercises and weight loss plan. I need to get back on course. My quality of life depends upon it.

You are Amazing Even if Today You Are Off Course

December 30, 2009

I thought I would end the year's blog postings on a high note and with a call for self-forgiveness (continuing the theme of best mind forward) as a vehicle for refocusing on generating the life and work you desire.

You are amazing. I know this! If you and I enjoyed a chat over foaming lattes, I am sure that your greatness would shine bright and I would find your hopes and dreams inspiring. Everyone I meet possesses clear and special talents. I love to discover the source of a person’s passions and am fascinated by our diverse natures.

Every night on the TV, we see people at their best, but more often, they are at their worst (crime shows, reality TV, Jerry Springer). If everyone is amazing, what’s going on? I think that stress and the dizzying circumstances of our lives can push us off course. We know this is not how things ought to be. We know that we have something greater and more compelling to offer the world. Even so, we get farther off course with each mismatched turn.

You are amazing even if today you are off course. You have the potential to contribute to society and live a wonderful and fulfilling life. You can get back on track. I work with many people who choose to stop moving in the wrong direction and see a new set of possibilities. They flap their butterfly wings fast and furious, manifesting joy and wonder along the way. They ooze exuberance and become flexibly strong, like a tall Sequoia tree swaying in the wind. An awesome force of nature. What’s your goal? Do you need an adjustment?

You can start right now. Define - Answer - Act - Use that energy to repeat.

• What can I do in the next 12 hours to get unstuck? (Do one big or five tiny things then rejoice)
• Which is more powerful - physical or mental barriers? (Hint: it's likely mental - obliterate the barriers by taking on a new perspective)
• What two things can I do for the next five days to get back on track?

Isn't it more complex than this? Yes, of course it is, but if you act like it isn't - guess what? It will become simpler. And yes, this is familiar. To generate breakthroughs:

• Define goals that inspire you and share them broadly.
• Take forward action in support of goals.
• Make requests that move things forward.
• Do all these things and you will create velocity.

Getting back on course can be this simple - elegant and simple - powerful and simple. But we all get off course sometimes and that does not make us any less amazing - we're like Ferrari sport cars parked in our garages. Not performing because the engine is off. Turn the key and go for a ride.

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Are you off course? Here is a thought about how to get back on track.

April 20, 2012

Yesterday I was reminded of a post I did a couple of years ago called, You are Amazing Even if Today You are Off Course. Check it out if you need some perspective/inspiration/relief/ideas.

I have been thinking about this topic a lot this week. Partially because I want to ensure that I stay on course with my goals but also because I see how hard we are on ourselves and the toll this takes on our spirit and desire to keep moving forward. Shorterm"itis" perhaps.

I think there is something to be said for believing in ourselves. Really believing. Believing that even though our daily choices are imperfect and our resolve wanes at times....And even though we sometimes say one thing and 30 seconds later do the opposite.... That we are fully capable of massive and transformative progress. That we can do _____ and we can be the one that others think about when searching for a good role model. "Nothing stops her," they will remark.

Few aspects of our lives require perfection to work. This is true! Woo-hoo! Yippeekayee! Momentum, progress, small wins, sweet daily victories, moments of glorious clarity - that's the ticket to success.

Don't let being off course become a source of power pulling you away from your goal, see it for what it is. A spec of time that will be gone in a minute. If in the next minute we become the change we seek, we can skip forward once again and enough that future setbacks will also be insignificant. Keep the progress big and the setbacks minuscule.

Enjoy being in alignment in this moment. And don't look back. 

Paths of Possibility

I'm drawn to photos with paths in them. The boardwalk through the marsh, the foot path through the forest, the sidewalk cutting through a park. A path is an invitation to step into possibility. When I accept, I can unlock potential and generate something new. 

Not all paths lead to good places, of course. We might get off track or encounter a hazard. Or the path could end and force us to double back and start over. But then we encounter another path and possibility. The key is to choose a path, and then another, and another.

What does "taking a path" mean in practical Tuesday at 2pm terms? It's when we:

• Take an action that moves something forward.
• Ask someone for input.
• Make requests that shift things for us.
• Literally - get up and go for a walk down a path.
• Change our daily habits such that the vibe and direction of our day is different.
• Say NO to something so we can say YES to something else.
• Somehow better align our daily life to support our dreams and intentions.

I took this picture of two paths near my house this morning, January 1st. Here's to walking toward possibility in 2024!